What is a Teacher, Exactly?

I've been overwhelmed of late, mainly by the stress of my education classes. Not because they're difficult--they're ridiculously easy, actually, and it feels exactly like buying a career rather than training for one. But I'm having a difficult time dealing with the cognitive dissonance bewixt my ideas and concepts of teaching, and those of my Terrified-Of-The-Big-Scary-NonOrdered-Classroom-And-How-It-Will-All-End-in-Chaos peers. I think what it comes down to, mostly, is the insecurity and its paradox--vanity--that seem to be instilled in the would-be teachers in regards to their specialized field of study. I think people are under the illusion that what we're teaching is English. And orderliness, for the more testyrical and hysterical of the lot. I say that it is an illusion because, and teachers really don't want to hear this, language arts are somewhat nature-based and intuitive. You can develop skills over time, as well as sharpening those that you already have, but a lot of the talent pool is just that--talent. We aren't going to take illiteracy and necessarily turn it into Shakespeare or Austen or Bronte. That may happen, but it's questionable that it will be the result of the copious misspelled words that are circled on graded essays, or comments in the margins like, "UNCLEAR!!!!" In reality, this hyper-anxiousness over grammar, punctuation and variant other measurements of "writing success" are just indicative of the anxiety that language arts are unquantifiable. As there seems to always be a right or wrong answer in mathematics, writing is subjective. I'm okay with that. But you know who isn't? A shitload of teachers. Again: Insecurity. Vanity.

The more I write papers for my classes, the more I notice the functions of Microsoft Word. Now, I don't always agree with its autocorrections, nor do I always take its suggestions, but I realize that, for the most part, it makes good "technical" writing obsolete. No one will need to know the spellings of words for pragmatic purposes in the future--it's taken care of. The same with fragments, splices, etc. The fears and nightsweats that may have afflicted yesterday's nuclear physicist when she or he had to write up a report or send in a resume are no longer necessary (Thankfully, because why should a gifted scientist be demonized for not knowing the proper use of a comma vs a semicolon?) due to technological advancements. Again, obsolescence. This pocketful of grammar and spelling is merely an arbitrary weapon for the singleminded and anxious personality to really prove that their field has merit.

So what, then? I love literature and writing for their own sakes, and I wish to offer that feeling to my future students. But beyond that, what can I do? Tell them the definition of an appositive? That will help them on their standardized tests, but other than that it's fairly useless information. I'm more concerned with critical thinking skills and the manner in which they can convey those skills to me in both the content and ideas of their writing. This skill should be the one celebrated, not hushed up through ridiculous red ink slapped and scrawled all over the page because they didn't know which there/their/they're to use. Is that really what we're so proud of? The ability to pick the right homophone?

So today, in class, these ideas of a gentler, more empathic approach to paper grading were met with the ubiquitous and defensive, "Well, it's not our job to coddle our students!" And, from the same internalized sexist source, "We have to prepare them for the real world!" To which I smile and shake my head. I forgot. The jungle that is Kindergarten through 12th grade does nothing to prepare students for the harsh realities of the real world. Children are typically not born into the Cleaver or Cosby house (to the good in the former, because I couldn't breathe in that sexist environ, but that's neither here nor there), though even if they have the bestest families in the whole wide world that sweetness is vanquished on the first day of Kindergarten, wherein Betsy yanks your hair for it being too long, or Billy tells you you're ugly (and therefore worthless). The real world, I am to understand, is completely foreign to children and adolescents.

On a more personal note, I had a myriad of teachers who subscribed to this way of thinking, and not only did I detest the lot of them, but I grew to undervalue education. I feigned ignorance from middle school on into the beginnings of college, and denied myself a lot of successes and opportunities because of it. This mewling, "It's not our job to..." gets pretty sickening. If you don't care whether or not your students get breakfast or get bullied, and it is all the same to you, why should anyone care if you get health insurance or bargaining rights? I'm expected to (and have been for some time) multi-task in my shitty retail job, or shitty service job, or whathaveyou, and so I think putting forth an extra effort to be empathetic and decent in a highstakes profession like teaching (I consider it highstakes in the sense that a teacher actually has an impact on someone's life, whereas no one is going to be grossly neglected and screwed over if I accidentally order them the wrong book, or forget their Diet Coke. Not that I ever have :-)). I find it disconcerting that people find "empathy" and "coddling" interchangeable.

To not understand or possess the requisite demeanor for teaching, or advocacy--don't they question their position and occupational choice? If people didn't think they'd have to be gentle and helpful with their students, and merely present material, then why didn't they just use their punctuation pistol and fire off a book, a collection of poetry, a screenplay? Why waste everyone's time and academic experience?

The "What You Should be Doing" Guy

I swear I've been encountering this prick so much that he's becoming a new archetype. I don't know what his motivation is--tired old misogyny? Anxious about a lack of control? Boredom? I do find that idle hands are the devil's playthings...wherein the "devil" here functions as an annoying critic of other people...and by people I mean, specifically, women.

I encountered the "What You Should be Doing" Guy about 8 months ago when I ran into my sister at the store and she was shopping with him. She came up, we hugged, made some chitchat, and she asked if I'd just gotten off of work. When I replied that I had, the guy she was with had to jump in with, "Well, that's what your ass should be doing." Which made my mouth turn to cotton...like the cotton-mouthed hillbilly that was looking like a Grade A weasel that didn't have an education beyond that of a freeloading redneck first grade low rate drifter who was standing before me and telling my sister how things REALLY are. I just wanted to punch him in his bitch mouth, but instead I let it slide for a minute with a glare and we continued talking. He felt the need to correct her and attempt to put her down (still miles to go before she's at his level) before I told her I had to go and we'd talk later. When later came and I asked why she was with such a stupid fuck, she told me that they weren't actually dating, and that he just has a "sarcastic sense of humor." So...not only is he acting on the misogyny afforded those (by the patriarchy) who have "ownership" of their "girlfriend property," but he didn't even actually offer her the whole "I earn for you, Bitch" mentality of most abusive boyfriends. He was merely an acquaintance that felt the need to whip shit in its proper line, which just proves how much they think we need fatherly invectives, "owned" or not. And, as such, she's so deeply entrenched in the narrative that she thinks that's a normal fucking way to talk to someone. Postscript to the tale--he was unemployed. BUT, somehow, that was irrelevent when he was telling her what's up.

Recently, I encountered the WYSBD guy again, whilst waiting for the city bus to take me to school. This time, in the form of my coworker's fiance, who was walking their dog with her past the bus stop. She and I chatted, I petted their sweetly perfect little pooch, and I mentioned that I enjoyed taking the bus because it was free to students and I don't like paying for University parking, in addition to the opportunity it affords me to get extra studying done between classes. At the mention of studying, the WYSBD guy snarkily responded, "Studying? That's what you should be doing," to my coworker, who responded by flipping him off. I later ran into him again at work, wherein he told me that she doesn't "walk our dog like she should be doing," but though I know she goes to school and has a job, I've yet to hear what it is, exactly, he does that makes him exempt from the labor that she "should be doing."

It just seems to me that there is so much opportunity for the WYSBD guy to, in fact, tell us what it is we "should be doing," that I think I need to find a job, some volunteer work, a hobby, that he "should be doing," so he won't have so much fucking time on his hands.