Why is it, that to be called a "tomboy," or "One of the Guys," is still considered to be the awesomest rebellion ever? I can't tell you how often I still hear that phrase uttered from the mouths of girls/young women with this, "ooh, I'm such a cool girl because I'm an honorary member of the manjunk club" smirky glint in their eyes. I once worked with a young woman like this, and she was known for going into bars with our male coworkers to "assess" the attractiveness of the other women in there and tell the guys which ones were worth hitting on and which were too "ugly." This begets a negative attitude in the workplace, when the guys start asking all the waitresses if there are any "hot" girls in the dining room, and "why can't you tell? So and So can."
Aside from the obvious flaws involved with determining a fellow woman's worth based on appearance, it also ascertains that "man culture" and whatever the hell that means (belching really loudly? Gross.) is superior to girl/grrrl culture, as everyone is dying to be involved. Lady Gaga has created fascinating performance art pieces that are definitely political statements on the status of women in society, but curls her lip at the idea of feminism. Katy Perry even named her album, One of the Boys, despite the fact that she is not, in fact, a boy, and doesn't seem to want to truly be one, either. I really wish this tired-ass archetype would lay down and die.
But it won't. Because two days ago an old lady came into the store and demanded that I recommend some reading material for her 10 year old grandson. After suggesting the popular series books in his age group and being told he'd read them all, I suggested a newer book that is getting rave reviews called, When You Reach Me. It's sort of science fictiony, and evidently quite good. She glanced at the back for less than a second and shoved it back on the shelf.
"It's about a girl. So that's not going to fly."
And she said it with SUCH disdain, it was just such a horrific idea, her grandson reading something with a girl in it. I wanted to tell her I was deeply sorry for the fact that both she and her grandson were a couple of sexist pigs that don't consider girls to be worth reading or writing about. Somehow, the world we live in dictates that we don't have a story to tell. At least not one worth anything. It's probably why S.E. Hinton only writes about boys. And goes by S.E. Same with J.K. Rowling. This bullshit attitude I've heard in education classes and throughout my book reading life that "girls will read boy books but boys won't read girl books" makes me sick. It also makes me wonder what the hell makes a Boy Book or a Girl Book. Boys can be the only ones who have adventures? I don't think all the Girl Books are about romance (When You Reach Me isn't), but the fact that they have that rep says something about what we, as a people, are encouraging when we split the sexes culturally. And what of the split in and of itself? I saw a movie I loved the other day, Whip It--the directorial debut of Drew Barrymore. It's about all-girls roller derby, and I thought it was excellent. However, I remember very clearly that when it came out, reviewers gave it luke-warm accolades, all of which stating things like, "Drew Barrymore is shaky at filming action scenes." Personally, I didn't really notice anything wrong with the action sequences because I was, shockingly, too wrapped up in the story. Was this a "girl" story? It was all about girls...but they were tough, so does that make them boys? There was a small romance, so was it girly? Whatever it was, it wasn't valued at the box office. And I don't know if that's because it was about girls, or because shit didn't get blowed up in it. All I know is, we live in a world where no one wants to know our stories. Where we're "cool" if we know what the score is and play lookout on the hot chick front for our male counterparts and spit cuz it's what the boys do.
But at least *I* know a 10 year old who watches Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
5 comments:
It's not that nobody wants to know our stories -- it's that, typically, only other women deem our stories worth knowing. Either way, though, it's upsetting.
And you're right -- when I was little, I loved Superfudge and There's A Boy in the Girl's Bathroom just as much as I loved The Baby-Sitters Club. I know, though that the boys in my class didn't take kindly to Little House on the Prairie. We read an excerpt from it in 3rd grade, and...yup. The boys were definitely not smitten.
I'm totally guilty of falling prey to this nonsense when I was younger. Ok, so I didn't go so far as to check out other girls for my male friends. I haven't ever been partial to things that girls are supposed to like. Part of the reason is simply a matter of taste, but the other part is that traditionally female activities are classified as boring and stupid by the patriarchy. The problem was compounded by the fact that I get a pat on the back for liking the things I like, because it means I didn't like stupid, boring things like other girls. It took a fair bit of reading before I caught on to exactly how fucked up that is.
In my opinion, if you can't read a story about a girl, it's because you don't see girls as human beings that you can empathize with.
Mike here, using J.Mo's account.
I have to agree. It seems the reasons for the disparity in interest arise from a disparity engendered by culture. At the heart of it all is the double standard which emboldens men and discourages women, from any sort of actual agency. In the stories Americans are encouraged to read, women are seldom the agents of change, the catalysts which truly affect a story, or the actors who adapt to somehow survive it.
In our American popular media - be it literature, film, or most commonly, television - women are chosen rather than choosers, a fact which Jamie has often indicated. Most choice - real choice - is the province of men, the primary motivators in all of these narratives.
How does this really break down then, in terms of what we're doing to cause it? With men enculturated into assertion - and by extension, action - and women raised to a role of acceptance. The acceptance of fate which derives solely from the affective choices made by men. If he chooses you, yay! Wave your pom-pon. If he doesn't pick you, Boo-Hoo in your tampon, and hope for better luck next time. This "que sera" standard seems chiefly responsible for the fallout that manifests in story selection. If we're never taught to believe women do anything (can do something, or even should), why would anyone read about them?
If Americans raised women in the same "Culture of Assertion" that they do men, so that they grew up with choice as second nature, and the waiting game an absurd joke, then my best friend's wife would have more to say of her niece's ambitions, than her impending wedding to a man who has some.
This was a major disappointment to me, because the niece in question showed so much promise. Her grades were stellar, and she displayed the wonderfully pernicious ability to think outside that damn box. But in the end, her upbringing seemed to win out, to her aunt's delight and my chagrin.
The thing they ultimately fail to realize, in selling themselves so short like this, is that life's about more than finding a go-getter. There's the onus of actually being one.
But it's hard to see that you have that choice, when you're never raised to believe you should want it.
It wouldn't be such an issue if our sex parts weren't what we were classified by. Oh, you have a vagina? Well, then you should adore pink, have long hair, want everything to be bedazzled or fuzzy, be timid, not have an opinion (and if you do, don't dare share it), and be obsessed with making yourself as fuckable as possible (push those boobs up, wear makeup so you're "pretty", high heels to cobble you, anorexic so you don't have weight to push around, and hairless so you don't scare the menz with the fact that you're past puberty).
That sure as hell is not a story I want to read. Unfortunately, it seeps into every mainstream kickass grrrl story, regardless of central plot. In the non-kickass stories, it *is* the central plot.
As far as being labeled "tomboy" - it's the label that's the problem, not the interests that those girls have. What does having a penis have to do with climbing trees, playing sports, preferring short hair, or loving math & science?
Speaking of, it is so annoying when kids tell me I "look like a boy". Sometimes I really want to be sarcastic and completely inappropriate and say, "Aw, crap - I left my penis hanging out again!" Because seriously? What the hell. Why do I have to do things to myself (wear makeup, sport uncomfortable long hair, wear tight, look-at-my-hot-body clothing - or pastel teacher-smock dresses)in order to look like a "girl"? I am female, so why don't I, in my basic, nothing-added self, look like a "girl"? Because a default human being is a male. Ergo, I look like a "boy".
Woah, that turned into a rant.
Yo, it's cool, I dig a good rant.
That's what I'm saying. Clearly, I do "boy things" if I game (though it was first introduced to me by a girl--thank you, Erica--as the guys I knew back then didn't let me play their reindeer games). I've been brimming over with unbridled excitement this past week as I awaited my sweet-ass new set of Dwarven Brushed Steel dice. But you know...that's a boy thing. I must be a Tomboy. WOO HOO! Penis Club!
It's amazing to me how much I've changed in the past few years. A lot of people don't like the change...I think they preferred the wilting drunken flower of my "girlish" youth. But I personally have never been happier. I stopped doing everything for man-ttention and man-pproval(terms I'm coining in ode to the recent post on mansplaining) and I can't wait to decorate next year's Yule tree with decoupaged feminist ornaments. (bell hooks, Buffy and yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of feminism-- I WORSHIP--Gloria Steinem). I just wish that the young women who walk into the store would read something other than, with a girlish giggle, that fuck job Tucker Max.
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