Female body parts. To be honest, I'm somewhat surprised women can withstand the constant commentary/criticism and still, reluctantly and with an arm surreptitiously crossed over the inappropriateness known as her breasts, go out and face the bullshit, so to speak. I really have a hard time conceiving, when I actually **think** about it critically, that people actually consider it to be proper conduct to comment on a woman's body to the extent that they do.
SO many times I've heard women laughingly say, "Oh, no matter what you have you want the opposite." As in, if you've got big jugs you wish you were flatter, and vice versa. Well, aside from the fact that people spin on insecurity, no matter what you're born with, you'll be criticized.
The curse of the large-breasted, especially if one matures quicker than the other girls in her class, is the constant gazing, staring, groping and obsession she endures from her classmates, mostly male. Puberty is the most trying, embarrassing time for everyone, and yet it's made exponentially worse by the feeling of Other and Outside the world gives you through teasing and exposure. Having boys, entitled as the little fuckers are, grab your breasts in the middle of class and thereby mark you, inside, as dirty and wrong...wow. Healthy.
Conversely, not "developing" fast enough...or ever getting "big enough," no doubt has it's own curse. There's an inaccurate idea that having big breasts makes you easy, so maybe girls with smaller boobs don't get the much-coveted man attention...they don't look like sex-on-a-stick...I guess.
The reason this comes up at all is for several books that have recently come into the bookstore, as well as a fashion article I read a few months ago.
First, Dr. (of what?) Dobson wrote a book on raising girls. It's supposed to go in the childcare section, but since I feel that is tantamount to child abuse, I put it in Religion...where it will stay (keep in mind that Dobson thinks young boys caught with dolls or Barbies should be locked in a closet to scare the gay away). In said book is the usual bullshit (a girl who pays for her half of dinner is butch, make sure you pick her clothes out for her until she's 95, etc)and yet...some schmuck has already bought a copy.
Another book came in, this one aimed for a young adult audience, on maintaining classiness and not being "a skank." I will grant you--it doesn't look very classy to speak loudly on a telephone or swear loudly in public--FOR ANYONE. But no one is writing a general etiquette book for the manners of general society. It's always dudes writing about what women, specifically, need to do/say/wear/walk to look "appropriate." As in...we all need a daddy to spank us right. Or...not...as it were.
And let us not forget the book critics hailed as "charming," and "hilarious;" How to Talk to Girls, written by some budding misogynist kid (hence people think it's "charming" and "cute"). My favorite part would have to be when he compared girls to cars--we need a lot of care and a lot of attention or we wither up and die unmarried. Wait--do cars do that,too?
I also learned, from the fashion article, that "breasts are in this year. So make note of soft lines, and clinging fabric dresses accentuating the feminine."
Ouch. Well, I guess all of you small-breasted women are "out" this year. Can a body type be out? Or in? I guess this should be *my* lucky year, but the rest of you are all fucked. You're also not feminine, if you're not sprung up front. So does that mean that this year I can stop slouching and enduring shoulder pain from trying to hide my shameful breasts? I've moved on from duct taping them down, but maybe I'll ditch the sports bra I double over my regular one everyday. Catherine Zeta-Jones said she, too, used to slouch to try to hide them until she realized, "Some women pay good money for these," and walked proudly ever on. I guess now they'll endure the bullshit we get on the other side. Because no matter WHAT, there is nothing but wrongness with being a woman.
5 comments:
This is a 1AM comment lacking depth, but had to share anyways. I remember in junior high getting so pissed at random guys who thought it was their right to comment on the physical development of girls in class. I don't recall it ever being about me, but that's probably selective amnesia on my part. Remember Susan? She was a prime "target" for the "ironing board" comments. It was vicious both ways, for girls with large breasts, girls with small breasts, and everything in between. I always wanted to smack those idiot boys. I don't think I ever did, unfortunately.
Part of the suckiness is the self-consciousness at that age, and knowing already that if you speak up to try to stop that crap, the nastiness will definitely turn and focus on you. Since the last thing teen/preteen girls want is to be ridiculed and shamed (especially in front of peers), they're less likely to speak up. And the few guys who don't think it's very cool are also reluctant to speak up or they'll be in the same boat, likely with their sexuality or manliness being questioned.
Of course, this is just in the school/"childhood" context. We all know the judging and preconceived notions don't end there, and worse yet, by the time we're adults we've internalized it so much that I think many people don't even realize it when it's happening. Or in some cases, take it as some kind of (sick) compliment (with the gross oogling, obviously not with the criticisms).
I hate it. I hate bullies. I hate misogynists. I hate misogynistic bullies. Whenever I hear any kind of crap that even sounds remotely related at school (between kids), I call them out on it immediately. I don't naively think it'll actually change anything, as this is societal (and deeply so), but seriously, I just can't stand it. I work with K & 4th, so it isn't as bad as oogling and judging someone's body, but they still judge and criticize just the same. Sometimes my adorable, fantastic, sweet little Kinders say crap like "you can't like that, that color is just for boys" when someone is sharing their favorite color with the class, and that pisses me off too. In a vain effort to reeducate them, I interrupt their nonsense and tell them that all of the colors are for EVERYONE, damnit, it doesn't matter if you're a boy or girl. All of the colors are good and girls and boys can like whatever colors they want to. So shut it, mini gender police. Also, I make them talk about feelings every single day. I'm sure some of the dads would probably crap their pants if they heard their sons telling the class that they feel loved because their mom hugged them before school, or sad because their friend didn't want to play with them today, or whatever. Or maybe that's still ok for 6 yr old boys, I don't know. I'm not up to speed on the protocols for the NoMoreFeelings/DontBeAPansy movement. Probably I should catch up on my Dobson reading, I'm sure he has a chapter or two explaining it.
Lisa uses Dobson's material on her kids.
:( That's unfortunate for her kids. Maybe she cherry-picks the Dobson material she uses? I'm sure Dobson's got stuff that's about God's love (in addition to all of the stuff he has about hating or needing to change "inferior" people).
I don't remember junior high being that bad -- but maybe that's because I was invisible. Erica, do you remember junior high being like this? I'm usually a pretty observant person, but maybe I just blocked it out.
I do know that Andy had a propensity for grabbing my boobs in college. It didn't really bother me at the time, although now, looking back, it kinda does. But only kinda, which I know isn't the correct response. Hmm. I should maybe think some more about why I'm not outraged.
I wasn't picked on by boys because I was invisible to boys. But I don't exactly look back on junior high with fondness.
Dobson advocates physical punishment for kids. Honestly, I'm not entirely certain where I stand on that issue myself. But advocating hitting kids seems icky, somehow.
Post a Comment