The Movie Theater is Bullshit

When I was a kid, because I was super popular, I spent almost every single weekend alone at the movies. It was two or three bucks for a matinee back then, and I (my parents) could even still afford popcorn or milkduds once in awhile. I used to go see the *shittiest* movies ever, and yet, since I was young and therefore stupid, I had no idea. I loved the movies. The smells (fresh popcorn and, ooh, is that stale liquor/urine?), the semi-uncomfortable and somehow comforting seats, the not-very-friendly staff and the fact that I thought Chris O'Donnell was a draw. Bliss. The movie theater was the perfect place for me, because it was low culture back then, and I certainly wasn't going to be going to any debutante balls, or even invited to a slumber party sans caveat of abuse.

But Movie Theater, you've changed. Wherein you used to be a place for the small and poor to congregate and get lost in someone else's life, you are now awful to your loyal and poor audience. Your prices are out of reach for us...and that seems to be on purpose. Having been to two movies in the past two weeks--a blockbuster and a feminist-friendly comedy--I can tell you that neither one was filled to the brim opening weekend. Recession, you say? Wouldn't it be better to fill a seat at five dollars than leave it open for zero?

This is irksome because I really don't think rich people go to the movies. Not because *they are humorless and empty inside and drink themselves into an early grave and use words like "droll" without any irony--but because they just don't go. Historically, "The Movies," as a singular distraction, has always been one of the many elements of entertainment (along with Carnies, Church and the Circus) that keep the riff raff from killing the affluent. It's a sedative (seda-give, if you can catch the reference), a nerve-calming balm to get us all to STFU and work. I know this--but I still want to go sometimes...enjoy some good writing, take an edge off the day. But I don't think the movie theater has gotten the memo on what its function is. It's become very in love with its nonfans--rich people.

Now, movie theaters must not be completely in the dark about poor people's contribution to their success, because they still begrudgingly let us in. "Oh...you. You're here. With your...shoes on. Good for you to remember that today." But the ways in which they treat their customers (like criminals) seems to imply a desire to discourage them from entering, based on all the angry signs (NO CARRY-INS! You *WILL* be asked to leave!) and the fact that they literally called the police on a woman I know because she brought in a water bottle for a diabetic condition proves this. The prices themselves indicate how very much they'd like to thin us out of their herd, being that a ticket for a night showing costs more than what I make in an hour at work...by kind of a lot. The last time I took my family to the movies, I made the mistake of buying a small bottle of water. Three dollars. For what Earth is mostly covered in.

Today was no exception. I carry my large messenger bag everywhere because I see no point in buying yet another purse that will inevitably fall apart when I have a perfectly useful bag that can just as adequately carry my wallet. I think they must have had a AOOOH--AA, AOOOH--AA alarm going off somewhere, letting them know that some Poor Bitch was in the theater, and therefore in need of a strong arming and intimidation: Cue the constant supervisor patrolling the aisles and standing right square in front of me, arms crossed, glaring like The Heat when the donuts are all out. This went on about three times during the movie. BTW, though I have previously had a few indiscretions with the whole sneaking food in (Hey. Remember the three dollar water? I should be heralded.), I did not have any food in my bag *today*, and I did pay the fucking seven dollar matinee fee. That, therefore, makes me a customer. If I treated the dickwads that come into the bookstore or JCP like those movie theater fuckers were treating me, I'd be fired. But they have a very unique perspective on customer service, I guess. Treat them like the low-class shit they are.


*True!